| OOC |
[01 Jun 2010|07:33pm] |
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Politely, I'm pulling Cheney. Thanks for developing him for the past year and a half. You guys know you're the best.
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[22 Nov 2008|09:11pm] |
Resume
Cheney Burkheim
Contact Details
Contact Telephone Number: (310) 555-5685
Email address: chenburk@gmail.com
Postal Address: 8586 W. E Colorado St. Apt 58 Long Beach, CA 90745
Career Objective
To create a cornicopia of job experience in the job's least desirable. I will have the biggest laundry list of skills and quietly learn the details of every single customer I can.
Employment History
Septmber 2009-Present
Bloody Magazine
Contributing Writer
*Writing short stories for possible future Psychos
*Suppressing the gory details
*Text messaging on the job
February 2009-March 2009
Film and Television
Screenwriting "The Path of Garthon"
*Taking shit from untalented hacks
*Bullshitting my way through scenes
*Smoking on the job
April 2008-February 2009
Joe's Security (location: mall parking lot)
Security Guard
*Watching the parking lot grounds
*Sneaking up on unknowing individuals
*Allowing the public to leave and enter the premises.
July 2007-March 2008
Florida Reenactors
Civil War Reenactor
*Staging epic battles of mild historical relevance
*Applying stage make up to both myself and fellow actors
*Drinking on the job
March 2006-July 2007
MMfoods Catering
Server
*Serving food more expensive than my car
*Politely taking shit
*Drinking on the job
December 2004-January 2006
Rent a Date Franchises, Inc.
Escourt
*Taking ugly girls to their cotillion and other high class events
*Drinking on the job
*Being paid for leisure activities and bad manners
March 2003-April 2003
Falcon Entertainment Inc.
Fluffer
*Providing actors with the necessary services they require
*Snorting on the job
*Giving Blow Jobs and other services to actors
June 1998-February 2003
Decker and Sons Funeral Home
Receptionist
*Sitting hours on a computer
*Acting nonchalant to grieving customers
*Charging a hefty price for a last goodbye
Education
1997-2001
University of Idaho
Bachelors of Arts (Journalism and English)
Relevant Skills
*Kissing Ass
*Going above and beyond the expectation of employers
*Internet Explorer
*Binocular inspection
Special Achievements
*Most improved in the area of fellatio
Hobbies and Interests
Women, Horror Films, Voyeurism, Drinking, Men, Fellatio, Drug culture, and Story writing.
References
Stevan Schuler (Burkheim)
Wife
Phone number undisclosed.
Patricia Wexley
Former Girlfriend
Break up reason: Description of me "too weird"
(925)555-8741
Alan Dears
Former Lover
Break up reason: "pity fuck"
(617)555-2221
Tokyo Darling
Former Girlfriend
Break up reason: Undisclosed
(312)555-6325
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